Eyes wide closed

 

is it in our human nature to constantly seek other people’s approval? to look for our own worth in someone else’s words? to find our perfection through the eyes of another?

i’m asking myself these very questions as i think of those people.

those people who question your dry humour and quirky laughter and clumsy dance moves, who make you question your own happiness. cynical people with narrow-minded views of the world, who inflict a lingering pain with their words – a pain that clenches onto your heart and will not let go.

your mind’s always telling you that you shouldn’t listen to what they say, but you can’t help it. you really can’t. when you’re so young and innocent and unafraid of your own vulnerability, you can’t help but open your ears as widely as you open your heart. you let them steal the colours that define your skies, till everything’s grey and tasteless, a stone.

till you’ve hit the bottom of the sea, without a ripple, without a sound.

and when you look up, all you see is a blurry world staring back at you.

but then i’m remembering those other people. the ones who taught you how to swim back up. the ones who made you realise that,

even when everything’s smeared together in chaos and mess, everything still makes sense.

and they tell you:

just because nothing’s as clear as it used to be, doesn’t mean you have to start all over again, as a nobody carrying a blank slate.

because you’re a somebody.

you’re older now, maybe a little more closed-off, a little more fearful of showing too much pain and vulnerability. but that doesn’t mean you’re a worse person than you once were. your skies may no longer be filled with the same colours as before, but that’s not because those cynical people have drained them all away; it’s because you’re creating new colours and adding them to the mix.

this is you. this person with dry humour and a quirky laugh and clumsy dance moves. this person who sometimes needs to seek other people’s approval because you don’t think you deserve your own. this person who doubts, who dreams big, who’s sad at times but happy other times.

you’re searching for something you already have. and you’re always returning empty-handed, wondering where your worth is, where your happiness is, where your life is.

stop searching, because what’s the point of finding something you haven’t even lost? be this person that you are, and i tell you now:

that’s perfection enough.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Eyes wide closed

  1. Katho;
    First of all thanks for coming back; honestly speaking, I was searching all over the cyber space, where, where exactly my one very very precious friend has lost?????
    No clue, no trace, no news……
    But, at last my friend come back with more prudence, more knowledge, more wisdom, more self-approval; so, I truly, forgive you for not posting regularly, because, you have repaid all the debt with one single post.
    Entire piece of write-up is excellent, but this I like most…………
    “stop searching, because what’s the point of finding something you haven’t even lost? be this person that you are, and i tell you now”:
    Indeed, it is your self-discovery, but along the way, you are teaching us also about some of the most important facts of life.
    Wishing you all the best……………………..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for writing such an extensive comment! Really appreciate it 🙂 Yes, I have been gone for quite a while, I’ve been so busy!! But I’m back, and shall try to keep writing/posting as regularly as possible. I’m very happy to see that you continually read my work, and give such wonderful compliments. I’m very touched indeed.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s