Paradox

A prose piece

I try too hard. I care too much. I simultaneously hate the spotlight and long for it. I deny the things I love and pretend to love the things I really don’t. I think that vulnerability is a crucial part of being human, yet this is the very aspect that I am afraid of revealing. I tell people to do what makes them happy, yet I cannot find the heart to be happy myself. I’m walking down the path well-trodden, earphones in, pretending that I want to engage in no form of social interaction whatsoever… when really, beneath the music that is blasting in one ear, I am yearning for someone to start a conversation with me.

I say I give up, but I never do. I say I hate you, but I don’t. I say I’m okay, but I’m not. I am laughing, but I’ve forgotten how to laugh.

I’ve become a paradox, and my actions have cancelled out my dreams, my desires, my true intentions.

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5 thoughts on “Paradox

  1. Katho;
    “When really, beneath the music that is blasting in one ear, I am yearning for someone to start a conversation with me”.
    I am too feeling the same; are we both on common ground????; so, let us start conversation.
    Now, don’t tell or blame the world you want to talk with someone but no one was there with whom you can share your stories, your success, your failures, your tragedies, your triumphs.
    Wishing you all the best……

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Perhaps we are on common group… just starting a new chapter in my life and it can get difficult sometimes 🙂 but then I try to remember to appreciate the good things, which can sometimes be overwhelmed by the bad things. And I write as well, writing helps a lot… thanks for reading/commenting! really appreciate it

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Katho;
    Every dark night ends with bright, shining sunny rays, embrace that sunlight, explore new horizons, achieve new avenues, buried all the bad memories of past; Just remember we have only one life to live so choice is always up to us whether to waste it for the sad past, unforgettable memories, troublesome wounds, unending problems Or………………………………..
    You are intelligent and smart person; do I need to tell you anything more???????
    Wishing you all the best………………

    Liked by 1 person

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