Inspired by a film
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i’m smiling out of fear and laughing out of tears and painting out of longing that your warmth will melt my sadness away.
on the outside i am cold. and distant. i want to turn back but i’m walking away. my footsteps do not feel like mine. my heartbeat does not feel right without yours.
i have these moments of clarity when it dawns on me that this is not love, this is yearning for a love that was never returned and that never existed.
but i am an artist and i dream in the clouds. i live to imagine and imagination brews fantasies, not realities.
does love happen from coincidence? is it sparked by friendship, by having so much in common that a deep innate flame is lit? i don’t know but i want to know. and i want to find it out with you and only you.
i know that happily ever afters do not exist in real life. Forevers come and go. we are temporary and there is nothing we can breathe in but the scent of fleeting moments whizzing past, long gone before we can fully grasp the meaning and significance of it. but my yearning for you is permanent and will not fade away.
and i’m hoping and hoping and searching and holding onto the last speck of light i own.
even as i am walking away, it hits me that i really haven’t moved a single step. i am stuck in this infinity of longing for you.